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EGAD — what i dreamed last night after too much Peruvian food


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…throw in a comely, naked female body. Every show producer, photographer, painter, video director and nightclub promoter knows this.

So, this chick takes the cake:

Jacyln from “WORK OF ART: THE NEXT GREAT ARTIST”. Okay, she’s hot. And being hot is an art unto itself. But – is showcasing your hotness enough to make you an artist?

This newish BRAVO series truly sets my chickens free because it takes the supremely vulgar, raucous, callous, Roman circus aspect of  “American Idol”, “Top Chef” and “America’s Got Talent” — pleb entertainment vs. ars gratia artis–and applies it pretentiously and grandly to the world of fine art.  And I especially love the fact that it’s the brainchild of Sarah “Where’d that big ol’chin-mole go?” Jessica Parker herself.

So back to Jaclyn. Her response to each new artistic challenge each week is to display her formidably taut little body, backed up with lots of brainy art school rhetoric and lingo. This past week spotlighted a nice, big, full-frontal nude of her standing and masturbating. This image even won over Simon de Pury, the show’s usually prim counterpart to Tim Gunn.

Now, I’m all for a girl gittin’ her freeek on as much as possible.  In my limited experience, audiences seem to dig this kind of thing. Now imagine the response to this image if she were, let’s say, narrow-shouldered, pouchy, poochy, paunchy, beaky-nosed and bug-eyed, limp-haired, and burdened with a huge cargo of saggy, swinging, dangling, drooping flabbiness. Now, THAT’s something I’d want to hang over my couch. Or maybe my refrigerator.

Which takes us back to http://www.museumofbadart.org. Are these contestant creations destined for MOBA? I personally love certain genres of  bad art. My favorite flavor : as we say in Mexico, “rasquache” — generally meaning glitter-encrusted, garish, corny, lurid, lumpy, loud, and over-the-top. I’ve collected rasquacheria for twenty years, especially rasquacheria religiosa– sacred art crudely rendered in common, disposable materials, i,e, saints, angels, madonnas and messiahs created from Play-Do, neon, spray-paint, black velvet, seashells and pipe-cleaners.

What makes rasquacheria work is its deep humility. I’ve never heard a rasquachera, let’s say, fashioning a pair of earrings out of bottle-caps and sequins, hold forth about her vision, or process, though clearly she has both.

This is the truly Roman-circus aspect of “WOA:TNGA”. It’s filled with those bloated, yet hollow declarations which instantly fill us with regret. Strident claims like, “I can get an executive job anytime I want!”, echoing across the barren wasteland of long-term unemployment.

Jacyln’s ambition will be served up fresh in the next episode, hubris on the half-shell. But at least she looks a wholehelluvalot better with her shirt off than Mark, who was eliminated this week.

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